Breathe No More
by IndustryXofXcool
Summary: It takes place in the midst of the war, what happens when the one Hermione Loves the Most Can't remember anything about their life togehter?
1. Chapter 1

_AN: I do not own any of the characters in this story. If I did I wouldn't be writing fan fiction would I? Anyways, This story takes place years into the future, and Voldermort still has yet to start the impending war. The main couple paring is Snape and Hermione. Others thrown in. if you don't like this pairing then do not read. Reviews are nice. They inspire me to write more. This story was inspired by the song Breathe No more by Evanescence._

Breathe no more

Chapter one:

It wasn't the first time that evening he had felt the searing pain in his arm, and as much as he tried to ignore it, he knew that this time would be important, and he had to go. Sighing and getting out of bed he changed into the familiar robes that he had always wore hoping that soon enough all of this would be over with and he could just be with the one he loved. Leaning down on the bead and placing a soft kiss on her head he smiled.

"I will see you soon my love."

Knowing all to well that when he came back things would be different. He watched her smile in her sleep then roll over onto her other side. He left, and with it he left a piece of his heart in that very room in that very moment.

The n ext morning she awoke to an empty bed. Hermione knew that he was probably called in the middle of the night, and would be back. Quickly she got dressed and made her way to the headmaster's office. This was apart of being engaged to a spy, she had to let the order know he was called, even though she had no clue till this morning. Pulling her robes over her ever growing stomach and looking in the mirror she groaned. They had just gone to buy these robes and already they were too small.

Mumbling the password and making the long walk up the stair case left her time to think. She hadn't heard him leave last night and she didn't get to say goodbye. That was the part the upset Hermione the most. When he left she never knew if he would return and he made a habit of not waking her up when he left.

"Headmaster?"

"Hermione dear, do have a seat"

"Sir, Severus was called last night. I'm assuming since he was gone when I woke this morning."

Nodding his head, he put a lemon drop in his mouth. "He came to see me before he left. He told me he wasn't sure how long he'd be gone."

"I would like to teach his class."

"Hermione you know that is dangerous in your condition"

Hermione glanced down at her ever growing belly. Remembering when she found out that she was pregnant.

"_Poppy are you sure? Can't you do another test?"_

_  
"Hermione, dear you're pregnant, Severus should be thrilled."_

"_He would be, but we discussed it and we both would like to wait till after the war to have kids. It isn't far to bring a child into the world the way it is now."_

"_Hermione he'll be thrilled."_

_She nodded and went down to the dungeons and had Dumbledore find a replacement teacher for the rest of the day. She wasn't in the mood to go back to class and teach. Around lunch time Severus became worried He hadn't heard from her all day and she wasn't at lunch. Making his way to their private quarters he found her sitting on the couch staring off she hadn't even noticed that he had come into the room._

"_Hermione?"_

_Looking up at him, she offered a small smile. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be teaching a class?"_

"_Its lunch, and I got worried when you weren't there is there something wrong?"_

_How would she ever explain to him what was wrong? Severus had a temper Hermione knew that, she had seen it on more than one occasion when he was really pissed off and she was hoping that this wouldn't set him off._

"_This was suppose to be our time together" _

"_Hermione, dear, you are making no sense. What is going on?"_

"_You know how I've been feeling sick lately? And I've just not been feeling myself. So I went to poppy and she ran quite a few tests." She paused trying to read his face. Knowing the next part would be the hardest of all. "I'm pregnant. I know we wanted to wait until after the war…but.." She stopped midsentence to look at him._

_At first he just sat there as if to let the information sink in. Hermione watched as the blank expression turned into a smile as he pulled her into a hug. For the first time in her life, Severus Snape had surprised her._

"_So you aren't mad?"_

"_Hermione, what would make you think I'd be mad?"_

"Hermione?"

She looked up at Albus and smiled "Sorry, I was lost in thought. He assigned the students essays and I believe he has finished grading them. I can take over until he returns. "

"Hermione, I'm sure he'll be back within the next couple of days. Its dangerous for you to even be around the potions and I'm sure Severus would not be pleased with the fact that I even let you near that room. What if I had Harry come in to take over?"_  
_

She thought about it for a moment, and nodded. Severus would be angry with her and it wouldn't be that long before he came back. "That is fine. If you'll excuse me I must get to my class."

Leaving the headmaster's office, Hermione didn't notice him reach for a blue glass ball and place it in his desk drawer. There were things that he didn't want to bother Hermione with the little details, even though it would affect her majorly. The day passed by fast and before Hermione knew it the last class of the day was over. She made her way down to their private chambers, hoping that maybe he would be there waiting for her, even though apart of her knew that he wouldn't be. Lately when he was called they kept him for at least two days. Hermione changed into a new set of robes, and made her way to the dining hall.

Hermione was sitting along with all the other teachers. Tonight she was sitting next to ___Professor McGonagall and was hardly interested in eating. She kept glancing at the empty chair next to her.  
_

_"__He'll be okay. He's being doing this since you were in school"_

_"__I know, but its hard especially with the little one on the way." She offered her a soft smile. This was hard. He hadn't been called since she found out she was pregnant. Hermione kept poking at her food. The thought of eating made her stomach turn. _

_"__Hermione, my dear you need to eat its not healthy."_

_"__I'm not hungry now. I'll make something later" _

___She wasn't kid, she hated being treated like one, so she made her way back to the room, she was tired and wanted to fall asleep and forget this day and hoping that when she woke up he would be here. She sighed as she did her nightly ritual and find herself struggling to fall asleep without him next to her. _

___It had been almost two weeks by the time Hermione came to the realization that he wasn't going to come back and that he was probably dead. Harry was the only Confidant that she had since no one else here understood._

_"__Hermione he's fine he'll be back. Do you think he'll leave you and the baby alone?" _

_"__I know harry, but it's still hard. He hasn't made any sort of contact or anything. And now "Hermione stopped and she had to wipe away the tears that had started to fall. "I don't even know if he is alive."  
_

___Harry pulled her into a hug for the past two weeks Hermione had been strong pretending that she knew he was safe and that he was coming back. But on the inside she was dying and Harry couldn't do anything to help her. _

_"__I know its hard Hermione, but it's a part of the war and its part of the time we live in."_

___Hermione nodded and gave Harry a small smile. "Thank you Harry I don't know what I would do without you."_

___Her and Harry parted ways and she went downstairs again alone. She got everything done and was ready for bed just as she climbed into bed she caught a glimpse of the picture from their wedding day. She was standing in front of Severus and he had his arms wrapped around her and his head resting on her shoulder they both were grinning and laughing. Hermione felt the tears fall down her face as she stared at the picture. Hermione stared at the picture for she didn't even know how long before she heard a crash in the hallway. _

___She grabbed her robes and threw them on and her wand off the shelf and walked out into the halls. Hearing some sort of groaning she followed the path of her dimly lit wand as she came across a figure who was in a lot of pain. Bending down to get a better look at the figure she smiled and pulled him into a hug._

_"__Thank God you're alright."_

_"__Miss Granger, what do you think you are doing?"_

___Hermione started at him in horror. This was a joke right? This was some sick joke that someone was playing on her. She still hadn't let go of his hand._

_"__I will ask you again, what are you doing?"_

___  
Regaining her composure she took her hand out of his and started for a second to see if this was a joke. Hermione could tell that he was truly confused as to why she was so happy that he was alive and sitting there in the dungeon hall way. _

_"__I heard a noise, and I came to help, Come let's get you to bed."_

___Hermione had never addressed his question nor would she. She would get him to Poppy so that she could address the wounds, at this stage in her pregnancy it was to dangerous for her to attempt to fix them. Hermione lifted him up, and helped him up the stair case to the Hospital wing._

___  
"Miss Granger, You still have yet to answer my question."_

___She looked at him. He hadn't called her that in a long time, and it hurt. It was like she was back in school and it was hard. Hermione was scared that he wouldn't remember who she was or anything. _

_"__Which was?" she knew what it was, but she was trying to buy time in order to avoid the answer for as long as possible._

_"__When you found me, you were hugging me and carrying on why?"_

_"__You mean you don't remember?"_

_"__Remember what?"_

_"__Nothing, never mind, I just thought you were…" She had to stop or her hormones would get the best of her. By the time she got him up to the stairs and at the door she collapsed. The lack of food, and stress of the last two weeks had finally hit her and here she was, about to pass out, and she was suppose to be taking care of herself, and helping him. _

_"__Poppy?" _

___She heard someone yell before her world went black._

___To Be Continuted._


	2. Chapter 2

_Authors note: I know its been a while..I've been dealing with a lot. My father passed away, and life got in the way as well…here is chapter two. Let me know what you think I love feedback! I hope to update more often. _

Chapter 2

"Poppy, leave the girl be. This is probably the first good sleep she has gotten since he went missing"

Hermione recognized the voice as she was coming to. Slowly she opened her eyes looking around trying to figure out what was going on and how she got to where she was. Glancing around her surroundings Hermione sighed. This was the last place she needed to be, she was about 5 months pregnant and in the hospital wing she knew this wasn't going to end well. Poppy was going to be all over her about not eating and not taking care of herself.

Hermione opened her eyes, looking around the room, gathering her surroundings, and groaned closing her eyes as the memory of everything that happened came flooding back. Her husband had no memory of who she was, and couldn't understand what on earth could've caused it. Pulling herself up she looked at the headmaster and sighed knowing that the little pieces of the puzzle that were missing, he had them.

"Hermione, dear how do you feel?"

"Like I was hit with a ton of bricks."

Albus smiled.

"How's Severus?"

Albus sat down on the bed next to her this was going to be something that he didn't want to have to tell the story, but she needed to know now that he was back.

"Hermione, the night Severus was called he came to my office, more happened then I let on."

Hermione looked over at the bed next to her; her husband was sleeping most likely the cause of a potion. Without one, he wouldn't be sleeping he would be awake demanding to be back into his rooms. Hermione smiled, then looked back at Dumbledore, knowing all to well what he was about to tell her was nothing good and with all she had already been through this night she wasn't sure how much more she could take.

"What has already been decided for me?"

"Hermione, you need to understand."

"All I understand is that I found my husband bloody and bruised and He didn't know why the hell I was so happy to seem him, so forgive me Albus if I seem a little upset. Albus, please don't treat me like a student tell me what is going on with my husband."

" As you know, for a while know Severus has been warning us that his loyalty to Voldermort would be tested."

Hermione nodded almost knowing where this was going, but letting him continue, whatever it was he was about to tell her she knew that it was going to be a long while before this would all be over.

"We have been talking about ways to keep his memories, and yet have him remove all the ones concerning you and the baby. We discovered a way to put all his memories into a pensive and then we erased all of those memories."

Taking a deep breath, Hermione glanced over at her sleeping husband. This was a joke; it had to be some kind of sick demented joke right? Severus was going to open his eyes and tell her this was a joke. She had known that Severus was really worried about her and the baby, but she didn't know what he was doing when him and Dumbledore were doing during the secrete meetings.

And now here she was, pregnant and all alone, and she wasn't sure what she was going to do. She wouldn't be able to do this alone. She still had to get the nursery ready and she hadn't had a baby shower Severus was looking forward to putting the nursery together. Hermione could feel the tears starting to come and she was getting angry that he didn't discuss this with her, and make sure she knew what was coming.

Albus pulled out a blue sphere, and instantly Hermione knew what it was and she knew that these were his memories.

"He wanted me to give it to you. I know that you have a lot going on, but you and I both know that he won't want to stay in the hospital wing longer than he has to. Hermione, it's probably best if you get everything from your rooms and get anything that would show that you ever lived there. We've already have private rooms set up for you and an extra room for the nursery incase it is needed. All your things have been removed as well, all the pictures everything, its all in your new living quarters."

"So, you are telling me that you want me to move from my home and live on my own, away from my husband? How is that fair?"

She knew she sounded like a little school girl, but she didn't care this was her life and he was asking her to just walk away and start over, pretend that they were never together. That every struggle and everything that they had fought to be here today didn't happen, she wasn't sure that she could do this, or that she wanted to. This meant moving every thing, uprooting the nursery to a new place she wasn't about to do this.

"My dear, I know it's hard, but if we don't do this, everything he has done would all be in vain. I know this is a lot to process but it is what needs to be done. "

This was it, she was being forced out of the place that she called home was no longer her home, she was being shoved out. Hermione stared at the sphere in her hands, this was all their memories. Well her memories now. Hermione touched her stomach lightly, knowing that he was so excited about this baby. Now he wouldn't remember any of it, the child, and their marriage all of it gone and she had to live with the memory, why on earth was this happening to her?

Albus sighed, he knew what she had been through and yet here she was going through so much more. He wondered how much more before she broke. He knew she was hiding her emotions, that was something Hermione Granger had reserved for very few. Hermione took one look at Albus and nodded. She was being selfish and she knew it. It was hard not to be; she was married to the man and was carrying their first child. Everything she had ever known was being ripped from her but she knew it was what needed to be done.

"Look, I should be told these things he is my.."

Hermione stopped mid sentence to see her husband starting to wake up, and she knew that he would demand to heal in his room, and not here although not too long ago he would go back to his chambers to heal. Albus turned his attention to Severus as Hermione hid the sphere under the blanket.

"Severus, how are you feeling?"

Hermione closed her eyes, pretending that she wasn't paying attention to their conversation. Knowing all to well there was a question left unanswered. She had no answers…and there still questions she had that were unanswered. She listened to Albus and Severus talk, he and convinced Severus that he needed to spend this night in the hospital wing. After a long discussion, Severus finally agreed, Hermione couldn't pretend to be asleep forever. After Albus left, Hermione slowly opened her eyes, she could feel he was staring at her.

"Miss Granger you're finally awake..?"

Glancing to her right, she saw him looking at her. "Se..Mr. Snape..I see you're doing well."

"Ah, Hermione, you're awake, I see that you haven't been eating, you're losing weight, as well as your lack of sleep, that's not healthy for the baby..I'm having the house elves bring you something to eat, and you need to eat it all. Then drink this."

Hermione sighed if Severus actually had a clue she'd be in trouble. This was something she has to do on her own. She became a single parent in less than a month. Poppy left them alone again, this is where things were about to get interesting. Severus had questions and she wouldn't be able to get out of it.

"I always assumed you were smarter than that"

Hermione looked at him "what are you talking about?"

"From the looks of it, I would say that you're about 4 or 5 months pregnant..and from what Poppy just said, you aren't taking care of yourself…you have to know that what you do and don't do affects the baby whoever he is, he wont be to happy."

Hermione did not say anything; she just looked at him this is where things got fun. She had to remind her self every second that he didn't know they were together. That he had no memory of their life together.

"You still didn't answer my question Miss Granger. "

"And that question was Professor?"

"In the hallway when you were carrying on like you cared I was missing…"

"Oh, that…I had you confused with someone else..I do apologize it's the hormones."

He only nodded she didn't know if she had hurt his feelings or not, but her food came, and he watched her like a hawk to make sure she ate it all. She couldn't help but laugh; It was something he would've done, just short of sitting on the bed and shoving it down her throat.

"Do you care to tell me what is so funny Miss…I suppose I can't call you Miss Granger anymore by the ring on your finger, I can see your married. What am I to call you? Since we are going to be here for a little while, as much as I prefer to stay in my own living quarters, but they are making me stay here. What do I call you?"

"Hermione? That is after all my name"

He looked at her. She could tell he was wondering if this was appropriate it had taken her almost two years before he was comfortable calling her by her name. This was where she had to start all over again, remind him why he loved her. In the midst of a war she was suppose to be in, she was here, in the hospital bed with her husband next to her.

"Hermione?"

She had to get out of the hospital wing she couldn't do it. Hermione loved this man with all her heart and she couldn't pretend that they were nothing more than ex student, ex teacher. Her hand held tightly to the blue sphere hidden beneath her sheets.

"It is my name."

Hermione promised to eat more, and take care of herself, and get someone to take over her classes should she feel tired or unable to teach, she was escorted to her new quarters. This isn't what she wanted. This was something she had to do. The next few weeks Harry continued to take over the potions class as she went back to Muggle Studies class. Severus had been called several times since he returned.

Hermione stopped taking her meals in the Great hall that way she wouldn't be watched like a hawk everytime she was suppose to be eating. This way she didn't have to eat if she didn't want to. She knew she hadn't been eating the way she should be, she hadn't been taking care of herself, but she hadn't seen her husband In a long time,

"Miss…I mean Hermione can I have a moment of your time?"

She glanced up from her papers and motioned for him to sit in the chairs in front of her desk. "What can I help you with Professor?"

Hermione hadn't noticed that picture frame that he had carried in with him, when he came into her classroom, placing it on her desk, she couldn't help but let her mouth gape open the house elves hadn't gotten all the pictures.

"can you explain this picture to me?"

It was the one taken shortly after they found out she was pregnant, she could tell by the way he had his hands over her stomach. They had been invited to dinner at Harry and Ginny's, it was the night they told them they were expecting a baby. They hadn't planned on telling anyone other than the members of the order..and others who would need to know.

"I..well…"

It had been two months since he disappeared and she wasn't eating as much as she should, she was over working herself and at that moment of being confronted with something that she couldn't lie about she felt like everything was leaving her and before she knew it everything went black.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: Thank you for all the wonderful feedback!!I know its been a really long time, but I am hoping to get the next few chapters up relatively soon._

**Chapter 3**

"Albus, I didn't take her there because Poppy would smother her. Look at her. She's 6 months pregnant and she doesn't look like it. "

"Severus, I can take it from here, you need to go."

He stopped, looking at the woman in the bed. There was something about her lying in the bed, he couldn't place his finger on it, but he felt the need to protect her and take care of her. He didn't want to leave. Something was tugging at his heart to stay to ignore the burning in his arm and stay by her beside until she woke up. Voldermort be damned.

"Severus?"

He looked up at Albus, unaware that he had been staring. It was only a matter of time before he started asking questions and neither he nor Hermione knew the answers to them. Albus noticed Hermione had stopped taking her lunches in the great hall with the rest of the teachers and the way she had dove headfirst into her work to distract herself she was doing exactly the opposite of what she was suppose to.

"I'm going."

"Hermione, you need to start taking better care of yourself. You in the midst of a war, you need to be able to take care of yourself for your child's sake."

"Sir, with all due respect, I wouldn't be in this situation without the help of you and my husband. The house elves didn't get everything. They left a picture from our wedding day. That's what started this. And as far as taking care of myself I can handle my own if I need to."

She knew how she sounded but she didn't care. She was left alone to take care of a baby, that she had no clue how to do it so, and she was suppose to be doing this with Severus. He was so excited about having this kid, and he was ready to be a father. And now here he was with no clue that they were ever even married.

"Hermione, I know things are hard right now."

With everything that happened, this made her snap. She was angry, and had he the nerve to say that he knew what she was going through.

"You know?" Hermione could feel that her face was read and she was angry, she was very angry. "How in the world could you know? I didn't get a say in any of this, I wasn't even told that my own husband was doing what he was doing. Did you forget that I am Pregnant? Albus, you have no idea, nor could you begin to understand what I am going through"

She didn't wait for Poppy to tell her she could leave, she left. Hermione had to leave Hogwarts. She needed a break away form everyone and everything, she knew that this late in the pregnancy she shouldn't even be on her feet as much as she was, even though she wasn't taking good care of herself. If Severus had any idea of what was going on there would be hell to pay, but he didn't' and she was going this alone.

"You never did answer my question"

Looking up Hermione saw him, standing there, and the picture frame still in hand. She grabbed it from him and laughed at it, knowing all to well that she was going to have to be good at this was the part in the war she was handed and she had to be strong, and start taking care of herself. "Sir, are you serious?"

"Miss…Hermione, I am asking a question, how did this get into my private chambers?"

Glancing down a the picture, she smiled a little bit. Looking back up at him, she shook her head. It was all a game, everything all of it. "Sir, No offense, but this is a picture that someone has created and it was probably a student, who put it there in your absence. "

Shaking her head, she turned to walk away, until she felt a hand grab her arm and turn her to face him. "Hermione, you do need to start taking better care of yourself"

She knew that she couldn't hide the shock that was now all over her face. "Sir?"

"If I'm going to be calling you Hermione, then do call me Severus, and You are what 7 months pregnant? You look no more than 4. Hermione, that's not healthy, and the mister cant be to happy"

Hermione glanced down, and smiled sadly. "Well the mister is no longer around, and I'm doing the best I can. Its not easy, and I can't exactly eat when I'm not hungry."

She stood there for a while, waiting for him to respond, and she knew that now he was going to be watching her. Just what she needed was someone else to watch her, why couldn't anyone let her make her own decisions. Hermione knew that this was make it or break it. This baby was loved, and even though the father wasn't there he would be. She just hoped the war wouldn't go on for a long time.

When nothing else was said she walked away towards her private chambers. Hermione was going to take Molly up on her offer to sped a weekend away from the castle. Ginny, was spending some time home this weekend with Molly, and Hermione knew she needed to get away. Molly would make sure she'd eat, no matter what.

Without even thinking she was throwing clothes into a bag, and packing everything she may need. Glancing back at her room, she slipped her wand into the sleeve of her robe. Stepping into the fireplace she mumbled the destination. Opening her eyes, she was now in the burrow. Hermione hadn't been here since after the wedding.

"Hermione, love what a pleasant surprise."

She smiled, setting her bag down next to the fireplace. "I had to get out of Hogwarts."

Molly looked at Hermione. This woman before her, had changed since she first met her. Molly knew that her and Ronald wouldn't ever be a forever kind of couple. After all, Hermione was more mature than Ronald, but she did hope, a part of her thought that they would. Molly had always been like Hermione's mom.

"I'm sorry I didn't let you know ahead of time..I just.."

Molly didn't say one word, she had pulled her into her arms. She knew all about what happened. Dumbledore had told everyone, so that they could go along with it. It as hard on Hermione, and molly noticed that, noticed the amount of weight Hermione wasn't gaining. The bags under her eyes. All of it, as a mother should notice about her children. Molly considered Harry and Hermione like her children.

"Hermione, come, I'll get you set up in the guest room..Come sit lets get you something to eat."

"I'm not really hungry."

"Look at you, you're 6 months pregnant and yet you look as if you are 3, Severus, he wouldn't want this. You know if he was here, he'd be very angry with you."

"But he's not here, he is not coming back. All I have are memories of something that never happened in his mind. I was not even asked if this was something I wanted it was thrown upon me. I cant do it, I cant be strong..I'm used as a pawn in the middle of war, and I can't do it."

Hermione covered her face with her hands. Voldermort would be after her, she knew it. She cold feel it. And explaining that to anyone would make her look crazy. Molly pulled Hermione into her arms and let her cry. Here was a woman who just lost her husband, and was carrying their child. She was suppose to be happy and planning the arrival of the baby. And here she was in morning.

"I'm going to send Dumbledore an owl, there is no way you are going back to that school. We will set up a nursery here, and if you have your child here, then we will be set. But you are not doing yourself any favors Hermione."

Before she knew it, The Burrow was her home. She looked around and was helping molly around the house, it was almost as if this was what she needed. All the baby items from the nursery were at the burrow, and she had begun putting on weight. She still couldn't be excited about the baby, it as something that she was going to be doing alone, and she wished Severus was here.

A few weeks later, Hermione found herself sitting out in the garden, alone. Molly had to leave to run some errands and Hermione hadn't really felt up to going. Staying with molly, she had started to eat more she was making sure that Hermione was taking care of herself. She closed her eyes, and took in the fresh air.

"_Hermione, Severus, would you like to find out the sex of the baby?"_

_Hermione herself wanted to know, wanted to be able to plan, but she wasn't sure if he wanted to know, or if he wanted to wait. _

"_Well, Severus?"_

_He nodded yes and Hermione turned to the doctor. "We'd like to know."_

"_Congratulations. You two are having a girl"_

_Hermione smiled, she Severus wanted a boy, but they could have another one, after everything. Looking up at him, he could see it in her face, the doubt of him being happy about a girl "my love, it's a girl"_

"_I know how much you…"_

"_As long as she is healthy, that is all that matters to me."_

"Hermione?"

She opened her eyes, to find Harry and Ron standing over her, and she laughed. These days it was hard enough to stay awake, and sitting in the sun probably didn't help matters.

"Good to see you two"

Standing up she gave them both ha big hug. She had forgotten to tell them that she was staying here, and was glad that they were here when she woke up from that dream. Lately all of her dreams were about him. Hermione wasn't sure she could do this anymore. As each day went by she felt she was losing pieces of herself.

"Bloody Hell Hermione, what are you doing here?"

She smiled, and lead them inside, she needed to move, the sun was starting to wear on her, and at the rate she was going she'd be in bed before the sun even set. This was her home for the time being, and she felt at home. Sitting on the sofa, Harry and ron did the same.

"Ron, things weren't going so well at Hogwarts. I came here for a visit and never really left. And now your mom is going to help me these last few months, and when the Noelle comes. "

"Hermione, why didn't you come to us? We could've helped."

Hermione smiled at Harry and shook her head. "You guys are in the middle of a war…I'm pregnant, and I'd just be in the way. What I'm going through, you don't need in your head while fighting this war. I love you both, I need to both to live through whatever we are going to go through, Noelle is going to need both her uncles."

She couldn't help but cry. Hermione knew that she'd never get her husband back. There were rumors of girls in and out of his private chambers, things she didn't need to know, But every time Ron's wife Lavender came over Hermione would hear all about it. Not that Lavender told her, but she would tell Molly, and Hermione would hear.

"Hermione, He'll come back..After everything is over, and he will watch all his memories and."

"And what harry? He'll come back to me? Doubtful all these girls…I just can't imagine that he'd give this life up. I'm accepting it, and moving on. I still have his wedding band; Albus gave it to me, the night he came back. From what Severus told me, the wedding set has been in his family. I need to give them back."

Glancing down at her fingers, she knew this was the last thing tying her to him. But if she were to survive this war and be a good mother, she needed to be done with mourning him. It was the only way. Harry and Ron had just started to accept him, and here she was letting him go.

"Hermione.."

Hermione looked at Ron. "Its okay, I've accepted it. Once he gets a good look at the rings, there will be more questions, and I can't lie, not to him."

He nodded. Ron finally understood what it meant to be in love. And here he was watching his best friend going through something that he couldn't tell a joke, or give her a hug, and it would be okay. Harry and Ron weren't sure how to handle the situation. This was something neither one of them had been through. Hermione knew that they were only trying to help, but she wasn't sure that it was helping, or that anything could ever help.

"I think I'm going to go take a nap.." Standing up and making her way towards her room, she stopped and turned around to look at them. "What are you two doing here any ways?"

"There's going to be a meeting for the order…Everyone's going to attend."

Harry watched as Hermione's faced paled, quickly she recovered. She hadn't seen him since she was confronted with the picture. "When?" it was all she could manage she knew she was going to be a mess, it was the hormones, and she had to get it together.

"In a couple of hours..want us to wake you when everyone is here?"

Hermione nodded and made her way to her room. A meeting, something was up. Something had happened, she had been feeling it all week, that things were about worse. Hermione knew it had been far to quite. She feared what was coming, but she always was looking forward to it finally being over with. No matter the outcome, laying down on the bed she closed her eyes. Knowing all to well that the dreams that were about to come would be about him. Hermione sometimes wished that she didn't dream, maybe then she could actually get some sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"_A baby girl. I figured you'd be upset because she's not a boy"_

_He looked at her and smiled, while he did want a boy, he was happy with a girl. Severus was going to have a little princess that he was looking forward to spoiling to no end._

"_Hermione, I'm happy" Placing a small kiss on her forehead and got out of bed to grab a book that Ron had dropped off earlier in the week. He handed it to her._

"Ron brought this by, but I wanted to wait until we knew the sex before we chose a name."

Hermione smiled, this was her life. In the midst of impending doom she was truly happy. Flipping through the book, she smiled. She was looking through the book, every now and then throwing a name out there. She'd like one, but he wouldn't or she wouldn't like one or he would. This went on for a while until she shut the book.

_"Ugh, this is hopeless."_

"_Hermione we have some time to name her"_

"Hermione?" Harry opened the door, and walked over to the bed, and lightly shook her.

"Harry?"

"People are starting to arrive. And well" he paused running his hand through his hair "Severus is already here."

She nodded, "Harry I'll be down in a minute."

He left her alone; he couldn't even begin to image what she was going through, or how she was making it through. Hermione waited until Harry was gone before she got out of bed. She went through the motions quickly. She could hear molly fussing over everyone downstairs and she was dreading this.

Being here at the burrow had only done one thing for Hermione. Had let her believe that he was no longer around, almost as if he died and this would make everything she had led herself to believe be shot out the window.

Hermione and decided on a simple dress. She was tired of jeans, and the robes were not necessary here, glancing in the mirror she smiled. Before long she'd be far to busy to even be thinking about Severus or their life before all of this. She was thinking about taking off the chain that held his ring, but she wasn't planning on being close enough to him to let him see it.

Making her way down the hall she could hear him talking to Harry. Long before anyone knew that Hermione and Severus had gotten involved, Harry and him had come to an agreement, and have been working together, civilly for some time now. She could barley make out what they were talking about, probably something Voldermort had said or done at the last meeting.

"Hermione, You hungry?"

She smiled at molly, and followed her into the kitchen, Hermione knew that since the offer was thrown out there, everyone would be watching her to make sure she would eat. "I'll make it Molly, You go sit. "

Hermione watched as Molly smiled and made her way into the living room with the cups and tea pot. Hermione quickly made herself a sandwich and went back into the living room to sit and await everyone else. She could feel Severus watching her as she sat next to Ron and Lavender. Not that she cared for Ron's wife, but she was sitting the furthest away from Severus as she possibly could.

It didn't take long for the rest of the Order to show, and the meeting to get underway. It was just as Hermione thought, Voldermort was planning an attack and it was going to be soon. Severus was giving all the details, and Hermione knew that she should be paying attention, but to pay attention meant she'd actually have to listen. She knew that no one in this room would let her fight, if need be she'd be hidden with the baby. Hermione didn't bother to question or put in her two cents. She knew how this worked, and for once, she was going to think of herself and their child.

When all shop talk was done, Hermione excused herself and went outside, the sun was just beginning to set and she could see the fireflies dancing in the air. Something that she loved to watch, it was calming to her. Hermione hated this feeling; she hated to feel like she had no one. Ever since her first year at Hogwarts she had been preparing for this, and here she was not even going to be able to do anything.

"Hermione?"

Glancing up she saw Lupin, and she smiled, standing to accept a hug that he was offering. "I heard about…" He stopped glancing around to see who was within earshot, but then decided not to finish the sentence.

"Severus has agreed to let you stay in his family home, its far enough away and very well guarded that you and your baby will be safe"

"I'm fine here. Really I don't need to go anywhere else."

"Hermione, its not safe for you here…"

"You wont be alone, there are house elves."

Both Lupin and Hermione looked to see Severus standing on the porch. Lupin, smiled at Hermione and excused himself and went back into the house. Severus walked a little closer to her. There was something, he couldn't figure out why, but he felt the need to protect her and her child. And he was still struggling with that which is probably why he offered to hide her in the house.

"I appreciate the offer..Sir, really, I just cant see being in a strange place all by myself with a newborn baby."

"Hermione, you seem hell bent on doing whatever is not in the best interest for your child."

Hermione stood up, and looked him in the eye, that was it, weather he remembered or not, she was done. Done being told what was best for her, or what had already been decided before she had a say, she was angry, and he was about to know it.

"With all due respect sir, you have no clue what I have had to endure the past month, nor will you ever. I am doing the best I can. Everyone around me have made decisions for me and this child, where I have just been told what to do, or what has already been done. Please do not talk to me about doing what is best for this child."

He looked at her, and then noticed the ring, but didn't say a word. She stood there toe to toe with him, for what seemed like forever. "Then, take me up on my offer, you know that it's the safest place, and it won't be for very long. Everyone is looking out for your best interest."

"I wish everyone would stop, I've been fully capable of taking care of myself for years what makes every one think I can't do it now."

Severus knew what she was getting at. And he understood, but it was almost as if she was doing all of this to spite him. Any decision he made, he knew she'd go against and a part of him was hoping that she wouldn't.

"No one thinks that you cant take care of yourself. We are just trying to help" He glanced down at the chain around her neck and noticed the rings. He wasn't close enough to see them, but he knew.

Hermione knew that this would be a decision he would make, even if he had his memories this had been discussed, that she would be hidden at one of his family's home to ensure the safety of her and the child. Hermione hated this idea, and this was something that she fought him on for a while, but finally knew he was right. What good would she be pregnant? She couldn't run away if it was needed, she was a liability to everyone. Hermione didn't blame a single person in that room for trying to protect her.

"I know. Its just I.." She was going to lose it. Hermione could already feel the tears forming; it was almost like some sort of torture. Here he was, just standing in front of her, but she couldn't take comfort in him, trust that he'd make everything alright. Turning her back to him, she looked out at the garden. It was twilight, and the fireflies were just starting to come out and all she could do was watch them dance.

Severus watched her. There was something about this woman before him, something that made him want to just pull her into his arms and tell her everything was alright and he would protect her. They stood like this for a moment, and then without a word, he slipped back into the house, leaving her alone with her thoughts. He found Lupin and grabbed him by the arm pulling him down the hallway.

"_Hermione, Albus sent me, it's about your parents. "_

_This wasn't a shock to Hermione. Ever since the war began, she knew her parents would be a target, she only hoped that by putting them into hiding, it would save them._

"_They are dead aren't they?'_

_It was at that moment, Severus watched the life leave from her eyes, all the hope, and all her dreams, it was almost as if he himself had killed them. He knew that it would take her a while to get through this. And now he understood why Albus had sent him._

"_yes, Hermione, they are. The headmaster wants me to accompany you to gather your things from your home"_

_Before he knew it, she was crying, she had collapsed on the floor and was sobbing. Severus did the only thing he knew. He walked over to her, and pulled her into his arms. But she fought him, banging her hands against his chest screaming things at him, blaming him. But he knew she was grieving, she just found out she lost her parents. At a time when she should be celebrating her graduation, she was mourning the loss of her parents. Before long, he was whispering comforting and soothing words, and she closed her eyes, and succumbing to the sleep that she needed. Neither one could've predicted that this was where it all began._

"Hermione?"

Turning around she saw Harry standing where Severus had once stood. Lifting her hand to the chain that was around her neck she undid the clasp and handed the rings to Harry. She hadn't even bothered wiping the tears that had fallen. This was the third person Hermione had lost in the war, she knew now that taking care of herself and the baby would come first above all else. Going to the Snape's summer home was in her best interest and she knew that.

"Please make sure that he gets these. I'm not sure how but they are family heirlooms, and it wouldn't be right if I kept them."

Hermione was making herself strong for their little girl. Noelle, she was going to know about her father, and she was going to know that her mother did everything in her power to take care of her, and to make sure she was safe.

Harry wasn't quite sure of how to handle this. He knew what to say and what to do when Hermione's parents had died, but this was different. He wasn't dead, he just didn't remember her, and Hermione remember everything. It was like a sick game that Voldermort had invented just for her.

"And you can tell them I've decided I'll take Mr. Snape up on his offer. I will stay at the summer home once the battle has begun."

"Hermione.."

"Harry, Please, I cant hold onto hope that he's going to come back to me. Even if we are able to return the memories,. Noelle is going to need me, and I need to be the best mother I can be, It hurts to much to see him, atleast this way I will be far enough away that I can move on. I've lost enough in this war. I just cant lose anything else.."

Placing her hand on his shoulder for a moment she flashed him a small smile as a stray tear made is way down her cheek.

"Severus?"

Lupin hadn't seen Severus this worked up since the day he was going to propose to Hermione. For a moment he thought that the memories were coming back, but he knew that was just wishful thinking for not only Hermione, but Severus as well. They both had lost enough.

"Why isn't Hermione's husband here with her?"

Albus had agreed that everyone would just say that he had passed away. It was the easiest way to handle it, that way there would be less questions from him, why on earth would you ask someone about their dead husband.

"Because, Severus, he passed away not to long before Hermione found you a few months back"

Severus knew that he was lying, what he couldn't figure out was why? Why was everyone lying to him, he knew there was something that they all knew that he didn't and he wanted to find out why they were all lying, what they were keeping from him.

TBC


End file.
